I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
