We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
