Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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