So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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