im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
