The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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