y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
