based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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