last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
