I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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