then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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