She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
