Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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