And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
