My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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