You're my little dorito
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
