He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize