it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
