I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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