once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
