I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
