imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
