I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
