i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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