My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
