Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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