Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
