So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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