based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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