Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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