I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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