Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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