arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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