and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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