I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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