I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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