I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize