She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
