So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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