his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
