she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
