I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
