Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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