he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
