Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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