you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
