If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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