It was confusing and full of hummus
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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