is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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