first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
