Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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