Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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