i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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