she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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