Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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