man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
