We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
