i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
