Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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