WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
