3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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