y did u give ur computer a hand job?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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