After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
