why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
