I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
