i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
