I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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