i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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